Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?". Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."

Two electron convicts are sitting in a jail cell together. The first one says, "What are you in for?" The second one says, "For attempting a forbidden transition."

Einstein, Podolsky and Rosen by David Halliday:
Two photons, close-coupled at start,
Flew several parsecs apart.
Said one, in distress,
"What you're forced to express
Removes any choice on my part."

Chris Matthews:
Explained Heisenberg one day to his son,
"My Principle is not a difficult one.
Measuring x is an ease,
and finding p is a breeze,
but determining both I'm not sure can be done."

Chris Matthews:
Is light a particle or wave?
Corpuscular it seems to behave.
But thru a double slit,
Interference does its bit,
demonstrating that photons do quave.

Peter Price:
Copenhagen's view may be correct,
In entangling observe and effect.
Still it seems to me that
Only Schrödinger's cat
Knows which side of a door to select.

Roger Tobin:
Erwin's tabby cried out to be fed.
In a box he confined her instead.
Now she sits there and waits
In her superposed states,
To find out if she's living or dead.

John Woodward:
A Danish professor named Bohr
Thought atoms had a nuclear core,
"A plum pudding raisin
Would scatter just grazing,
Not like sine to the negative four!"

Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. Two to do it, and one to renormalise the wave function.
(Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)

There was a young lady called Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
Arthur Buller in Punch, 19 Dec. 1923